Wednesday, November 07, 2007

4 years

Another year another Deepavali. The year seems to have flown by. Everything seems like just yesterday and what an eventful year it has been.

Some things are the same though. While everyone’s abuzz about the celebration to me its just another day. It’s the 4th year of my dad’s passing. We just did his yearly prayers on Monday. A yearly ritual, 3 days before Diwali.

I don’t know if people would ever understand that its never gonna be the same, that I’m never gonna be comfortable celebrating it. I’m looking for a standard answer to give people. The current one I deal out is oh yeah I do celebrate Diwali but personally I don’t.

Confusing huh but do you know how tiring it is to explain to everyone no I don’t coz it reminds me of my dad. Well that’s that. It’s not the same anymore.

I don’t shop for Diwali anymore, I don’t do anything much for it. We still do cookies and savouries and I still put a kolam but that’s more like the necessity of the festival rather than the want. I still haven’t decided what kolam to put tonight – kinda having a mental block on design. Should I do something mega elaborate or something simply. Have no idea. Just been too busy to really give it a thought.

Things are different it will never be the same. You move on but you never really do. The good old day’s will always remain that the good old days.

3 comments:

sungimann said...

I am very sorry for your loss but you shouldn't associate Diwali with your dad's passing. The timing's a mere coincidence. He could has died on any other day.

You should use Diwali to celebrate the great memories that you have with your dad. He wouldn't want you to be unhappy every Diwali.

Hope that you had a good break. Cheers!

Pixelated Mo said...

i felt the same way around christmas....missing my Dad around the holidays... buying gifts for him.... but then i thought to myself.... would my Dad want me to be misserable on Christmas... No he wld not... and he wld be sad if he was the cause of my grief... yeah i still hold back tears... but i will celebrate his memory till the day i die...

visithra said...

sungimann : there is more to it - anyways i look at everyday as a celebration so life goes on

mo : im not misreable - life goes on - just its like that