Friday, August 10, 2007

Greatnest comes with a price?

There’s this proverb in Tamil – ooran pillayeh vahlartha than pillay sohndama vahlarum (I might have gotten the words wrong but you know what I mean)
Translation : your child will grow up well if you help bring up other people’s children.

Basically they’re saying if you’re good to society, that society will look after your child. Now this might have worked few decades ago but today I don’t think its relevant.

I agree that a person should be socially conscious, helping whenever possible, putting aside time and money for a good cause but none of these should be done at the cause of your family. So, greatnest comes with a price and life of sacrifices, but is that price really worth paying?

Families are no longer supported by an extended family. Most families are scarttered across the globe and children grow in small nuekles families where their only inspiration and motivation would be their parents and their environment. Neighbours are no longer made of a close knit of well balanced individuals. The smart dressed and reserved family at the corner of your block could end up being drug dealers or worse (worst case scenario).

If parents are not strong role models to their children, these children run the risk of becoming victims of their environment. If you seriously wanted to do great things then don’t start a family. No matter what good you do for society, there is a child who is suffering because of your negligence.

The rise of sociall ills, displinary problems, and vices among teenagers can be attributed to the lack of guidance, discipline, strong role model and mostly love.

If a parent spent most of his/her time outside, whose gonna spend time with the kid whose growing home alone with the maid for company. Let's not rush to blame working mothers, children need their fathers guidance as well. Maids are no longer the caring aunty figures that were once cherished by a whole generation of children. So who will the child receive love and discipline from when the limited time spent with their children are probably used to spoil them instead. Spoiling your child does not show that you have ultimate love for them in actually fact you are taking the easy way out and harming your childs well being.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t do good at all and be totally selfish, I’m saying balance it out and never commit to something that comes at the expense of your family. So do you think the proverb still applies for today’s world?


Balaji S Rajan said...


The saying is Uraar piLLaiyai Utti vaLarththaal, than piLLai thaanaaka vaLarum.

ஊரார் பிள்ளையை ஊட்டி வளர்த்தால், தன் பிள்ளை தானாக வளரும்.

The meaning is care for other children in the society than being just selfish. So in such situations, when your child is suffering or lacking in anything, the society will come forward to help your child, since you are contributing so much selflessly to those children born to others. The intention is to serve fellow human beings and the help comes as a chain. Ofcourse, this has happened with many cases around me in the past. A reasonable parent will not spend so much of time outside, without caring for their own family. I agree with your point, that it has to be balanced. After all there is also another saying
thanakku minjjiyathu thaan thaanam

தனக்கு மிஞ்ஜியது தான் தானம்.

Anonymous said...

well theres another meaning to it also whn a husband takes good care of his pregnant wife(where the wife is another persons child) his child in her womb wud grow on its own

Balaji S Rajan said...

That is a good explanation! Well done!

Jeevan said...

I agree with you dear. Sometimes people care and spread good thing with society, but they left to see how there children grows!

visithra said...

Balaji : thanks for the correction

but seriously would u leave ur child at societys hands in todays times? I wouldn’t!

and isn’t help supposed to be done without expecting anything else?

the thing is im basing this with history and some people that I’ve met. People who do quite a lot for society whereelse abandon their children or expect to grow up by themselves and be responsible. That’s expecting a tad bit too much of a child.

very few ppl know the next saying u quoted – so the least follow them – most ppl tend to do more than they can do – n at the end of the day its their families that suffer

anon : welcome here ;)

well I must say I find the second meaning really selfish – ure looking after anothers child ur wife coz u want ur child to grow well – again expecting reward for doing something – that’s not being charitable rather it’s a self rewarding programme

jeevan : glad u see where im going with this