Wednesday, March 01, 2006


People tend to say, one should marry a good friend, but it isn't as easy, not all good friends click in love. The situation often gets uncomfortable when one side isn't feeling the same resulting in the friendship ceasing to exist but sometimes they are able to put back the feelings and remain friends.

Years back a good friend confessed of love but it wasn't mutual and I had it made it clear immediately. Yet since then we have been good friends, not frequent but good friends since we don't really live nearby. To me he was never more than a friend and I assumed he had also come to feel the same. Occasionally he'd reminisce about what could have been and I assumed it was just that reminiscing yet I always made it clear that we were just friends. He also knew about my ex and he had his own ex in between the years. So there was no way I could have been misleading him.

We last met a few months back and had a really good time and the last I spoke to him was a brief chat 3 4 months back (we're the laziest bunch you see).

The other day a mutual friend tells me, he got married a few weeks back. On one hand I'm extremely happy he got married but what saddens me is he hadn't told me about it. We had been talking about weddings and he had been saying you must attend it and all and suddenly he's married and I didn't even know. And no we haven't had any misunderstanding.

Had he been nursing hopes of getting back but only finally realised I had been treating him as a friend only or he was just typically lazy or .....

Anyone with theories - its a sad thing not being able to partake in a friends life and really not knowing why.


Jeevan said...

If we told once we are friends, that relationship should continue till our end, I hope you are very clear on your future life.

praveen said...

People tend to say, one should marry a good friend

they do??i wouldnt say that dear,i would like my friends to remain my friends forever..and by saying that, i'm not putting friendship into a second class friends are important too just as my significant other...its just that its two different relationships..

but i feel bad for you...he should have told you that he's getting married

Sheks said...

a different kind of a post by visit!the feeling getting rejected is awful.

BawangMerah said...

"People tend to say, one should marry a good friend"

Actually you should be good friends with the person you marry. People got it the other way around. No wonder many marriages don't work out :P

Anyway, I'm sure the guy had his reasons. Maybe there wasn't time. Maybe he had finally let go of thinking about you all the time. Maybe he did leave a message or sent a card but it never arrived. Countless reasons. But you know what, good things happen to those who are patient. Somewhere along the way, I'm sure you'll find out why :) And it's going to be something you'll laugh off.

Vikram H said...

Oh twas bad that he didnt inform you. It just shows that he had his mind closed and didnt really expect anything more than a marital relationship!...Guess he didnt wanna hurt himself by seeing you at his wedding.

sukhanya said...

I felt bad when one of my frnd did the same thing to me... though he was way too older than me :-).... I always looked up on him for all his achievements and his friendship n guess a lot of times... some ppl dont have the guts to see u on their wedding :-)....

take it easy.. n send him a surprise gift ;-) that's u i guess...


Art said...

what if he had told his fiance about his past feelings for u and she wasnt comfortable u being there... And he also may not be able to tell u this...
But u can always congratulate him :)

Aravind said...

The worst thing that can happen is spoiling ur friendship by proposing to ur friend, if he/she has never seen u from that angle :(
It is sooooooo bad, if ur friend is so sensitive and ur friendship is lost forever! :(

tulipspeaks said...

is this bcoz he is sensitive? too sensitive i mean..

cant think of any reason why he would let u in dark about his wedding..



Keshi said...

I dunno wut it is but I can never marry a good friend...and neither can I be a good friend to the one I love, lust and wanna marry..:):)


geetha said...

Let me see. I think...

He may have got carried away with his new life, and forgot some friends (the not so close ones), not specifically you.


He was unsure of how to introduce you to his wife. Even the tiniest feeling can show!


Other reasons.. only he knows.

Ramya said...

He should have learnt to differentiate the 2 relationships. Am too young to give my opinion though. Sheesh am 18... or can I? err... blah blah

Random Access said...

Its worse when people are in "mutual love" and u get to know abt the marriage of the other person through another friend ;)

Random Access
The search has just begun !!!

Anonymous said...

I can totally understand what the guy did to you. I am pretty much in the same boat as him (my best fren turned me down and we remain friends) but I would never invite her to my wedding or attend hers. You wudn't know what the heart goes thro' to see the love of your life sitting on the other side of the mandapam. Yeeks! Ofcourse not.

Maybe he'll call you later and reacquaint with you but on the day of his way! Please don't mistake him.

My days(Gops) said...

aiyo aiyo chinnapillai thanamavey irruku...

sare, Kalyaanathuku invite panni irrundha poi irrupeengala?

still_figuring_out said...

it happens, visithra. you would think so and so would invite you to his/her wedding, and they blatantly ignore you while your other friend gets an invitation.

friendship is overrated,gal.

visithra said...

@ Jeevan : ah if life was as simple ;) errr i am ;)

@ praveen : yeah they do and i so disagree with them and agree with ya - friends are friends - u don't have chemistry there - yes if only ppl will understand its 2 different things

yeah well hopefully one day i find out why

@ sheks : actually saying no to someone is even worse - u always wish the best for them and you tend to fill guity hurting them though it wasnt ur fault

@ bawangred : i agree - ppl are always butting in the wrong places with weird ideas

tell me about it! Awww what great advice! And you wonder if you're going in the right direction? ;) i hope its that way and it is just a laugh - though anons reason makes sense ;)

anyway i sent my wishes to him

@ vikram : maybe that was what i was wondering

@ sukku : theres a few nations in between - so the moment i found out sent him my wishes - hopefully he replies :) so you understand the feeling n u might be right

@ art : have already sent my wishes - maybe errr but i wasnt an ex but errr i understand what you mean :)

@ Aravind : yeah its one of the worse things in a friendship - well my point was why it took so long to be lost

@ Amu : anons answer seems logical - actually everyones answer makes sense - n sisnt u know men r more sensetive than gals? ;p

@ Keshi : same here ;) i have been linked so many times by my friends and family with one of my bestfriends - yet ive never had such feelings - now if ppl will just understand!

@ Geetha : hummm another 3 options that could have been hummm

@ Ramya : i agree he should have - oh maturity doesnt come by how old u are ;) so u can

@ Ran : lol thats a different story altogether - thats cheating!

@ Anon : welcome here :)

you make sense a lot - nah not mistaking him - just such a weird feeling being so happy to hear the good news n it itself being a sad one

@ Mydays : invite ehlam panna vendaam - sohlalamle? - but in between theres a few nations so i couldnt have gone given the timing

@ Still : oh not all are but most are overrated - the some that arent are gems n when gems go missing ure saddened

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the welcome. I am not new here... but wish to stay anon for obvious reasons. Don't want the world to know I cudn't even get my best friend to say yes to me... what a loser I am... :(

I am glad tht you didn't mistake him.

Shiv Shankar said...

A good article in hindu

which i disguised as mine ;) on the same lines as your posts.

visithra said...

Sorry for the late reply - just got back

@ Anon : ah ok - well u shouldnt see it that way - u guys were never meant to be more than friends - ur friend must be feeling pretty horrible - so its not about being a loser - its just feeling love for the wrong person

@ Shiv : disguised as yours? - i have a problem with using anothers piece of work as ones own - thats copyright infringement - u might want to add the courtesy