Monday, March 21, 2005

Part 2 : Men and women

So the first post has sparked various interest and an urge to blog about it. Check out what a week old blogger Optimist at Mortalvision has to say here. I’m quite envious - only a week and he has had so many comments. Ok ok enough of that back to what I wanted to say.

The thing is he asked a few questions, which I felt were more society centered then of a friends interest.

My question is, which is more important to you, what your friend thinks - or what society thinks?

My post was only centered on my friends interest. How will my actions translate to them. Their feelings were my only concern.

But what about society what will people think?

To hell with them.

I’ve come to a point - well came a long time back - where I stopped giving a damn what society thought. We Indians in Malaysia aren’t so different then in India. It didn’t help when mom didn’t approve as well and I couldn’t travel anywhere in KL without being recognised by someone who knew me. So sneaking around wasn’t an option, news travelled faster then lightning.

Mom was always drilling into me - gals like this - gals like that - gals boys like that this and that. If you did this people will say that. If you did that people will say this. Yes, drove me nuts all those this and thats. Sure she had a point in certain things but most of it was outdated and prejudiced if you asked me.

I have loads of guy friends and quite a number are friends met on the net. I admit some of my closests friends are those I met on the net.

I remember the first time I decided to meet a net friend. Both of us had everything planned out and that was in the days of my biking and since I wasn’t allowed to drive up to KL on a bike, I was to take the bus. We were just going to have a simple cup of coffee uh make that a coke.

Here’s how I got into trouble, mom and me were having one of those good days, good conversation and all, and me the stupidly honest me, tells her ah oh I’m going to meet my net friend. That was it. Mom blew a fuse and went on and on and on. What would people say was the no 1 issue that dominated the whole fuse blowing. Everything imaginable, an unimaginable came out and I was getting ready for the earth to swallow me in.

Then she tells me go but come back fast. So I did go on a long bus journey that was made longer by the guilt. By the time I arrived at the destination I was all prepared to ride the bus back. However managed to meet my friend though throughout the whole meet all I was thinking was, I wanna go home.

I was still in my late teens then. I didn’t really understand what I had done wrong, but all I knew was, I felt miserably guilty.

But did that stop me from meeting my guy friends? Nope, it just made me wise, tell mom you’re out shopping or meeting a gal but tell a friend where I was going and with whom. Didn’t help when dad was even more conservative.

As I grew up, I realised I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was out with a good friend, we have a great time, lovely conversation and it was just that we were friends albeit one small detail, the friend was a different gender.

So one day I made up my mind, to hell with society. My friends were wonderful, so why should I be bothered about what some donkey (society) had to say or think. They aren’t going to be there when I need a shoulder to cry or a friend for support. It’s my friends who would be there in my time of need or to share my joy.

Since then I have been a very happy person. The day I told myself society didn’t matter, I've had a ball. Though I must say the people working at the cinema theater I frequent must be wondering, one day Chinese guy, nother Malay guy, then short Indian tall Indian. Heheheh its fun to confuse people.

Now what about mom? Have to brainwash her right?

Well over the years, I introduced my good friends to mom, and though at first she was skeptical more of given up on me and my stubbornness, today I’ve successfully brainwashed my mom and she thinks my guy friends are angels.

She now asks me - why hasn’t he called? - such a wide contrast to her questions in the past - why does he call?

Mom’s decided I make one of the soundest decisions in friends though she's quite saddened they’re all just friends. Though when I go for my late night movies, she still does ask how many guys and frowns when I say its just one.

Did I ever manage to change dad? No, not really, never even tried can’t try anymore though.

So the point is, when you decide to be friends with someone from the opposite side, think which is more important your friend or society.

If you answered society, then being friends with the other planet isn’t going to be an option. You’ll always be pondering what will people think, can I go out with a guy before being branded his girlfriend/ boyfriend? Will my going out with different guys create unanswerable questions? You’re never going to have fun and will always be taking a guilt trip.

Its not worth the time or effort if you can’t shake social stigma of your back.

My advice don’t let society haunt you.


Praveen said...

I don't talk much to gals, so enakku indha problem ellam illai da saami :D

Maran said...

Aiya Praveen... thats not something to be proud of man!

visithra said...

Oh finally i've been trying for some time now to comment on my own blog - humm blogger acting up?

Prav : I have to agree with Maran -ain't something to be proud of - anyway gals don't bite u know :p

Maran : good one :p

Murali said...

Hi Visithra,
Couldnt agree with u anymore. Neenga sonna maari relationships irundha , appo atha accept all means
But i know people who make a mockery of such relationships.
As i kept saying throughout...MISUSE of the word "friendship" for some kinda temporary adjustment...i do hope u understand wat im trying to tell.
I m not telling this to trigger a debate or to argue upon a hot n spicy topic.. its happening right in front my eyes n tats y i thot i shud write/blog about it...tas it!!

hi..... i dont see any reason y u shudnt b talkin to gals...c'mon yaar ur a college student...u hafta socialise hey :-? i have a feeling u rnt telling the truth ;) Poi sollathe ;)

Praveen said...

Thunbathilayum sirippavan dhaan manushan-nu Thiruvalluvar sonnatha Koundamani solli irukkaru :)

"anyway gals don't bite u know :p"
I know, but why take the risk :)

Pesinaaley I love I love u nu orey thollais-a poachu, adhaan pesarthu illa :D
Anyways, school-la Harish eppadi irundhaano appadi dhaan naanum irundhaen, ippo naanum maarittaen no vekkams :)

IBH said...

Nice read!!! Building a friendship isnt a small thing..All my five best friends happen to be from opposite sex...I have invested 16 years of my life to build this wonderful relationship...why wuld I even think abt this factor called SOCIETY???

It is all how we look at things...after all we are also part of this society...It is not the society that has invested its time and energy for my friendship...

my parents have been extremley suportive in this case...they have not drawn any boundary for me to step-in and step-out when it came to friendship..well for that fact my life partner too....and yeah I ended up marrying a Malayalee guy ,me being a Tam Bram ;))) does that give out my quotient of respect for the thing called society???yeah it does!!! I care two hoots....

NOBODY shuld lose anything wonderful for this society or for anything for that fact!!!!

visithra said...

Hi Optimist

Yes of course theres those people who misuse the word but why bother about them.

My point is from an individual aspect how i treat my friends, how i would like my friends to treat me. It's about how people sincerely looking for friendships, should look at it.

Sometimes it worthless to think about people who put up a farce. Kalam kalama nadakuthu, ipoh mathum marirumnu sohnna ehnna nyahyam :)

Prav adikadi samathu paiyahn pohl nadhipahn - athelam kavanikaveh kudadhu :p

visithra said...

Prav : Risk eduhta taneh vazhkai illathu bore pa. :p - hehehhee i love u sohlradhu thollai yah pochi hummmm but athe nambeh Trisha sohnangehna?

IBH : Glad societies dampening tricks didn't dampen your friendships. Even glad to hear your husband never drew boundaries. That's a rare find. I suspect the relatives gave you a tough time? Glad your parents didn't :)

Right on gal - society shouldn't be the winner while we lose things precious to us. :)

Whoosh said...

Hey Visithra... My first time here.. Nice blog ..

All that u have said is pretty true. I gave a good ratio of friends from either genders and a few of my closest friends happen to be girls. My close friend came back from teh USA a couple of months ago. We were from the same college and people in my college too knew that we were nice friends. As its been more than a couple of years since I finished college, my friend and I went to our college for some malarum ninaivugal. Guess what happens... My juniors from college call me adn ask.. "Dai..College la irukkum bodhu thaan kadalai poteenga.. College vittu ponadhukku appuram kooda ippadi thaanaa???"...


visithra said...

Hi Vikkki

Thanks and welcome in :)

Yeah people can be sick. Even if we are sincere, they won't let us be. But who cares hell with them :)

Praveen said...

Trisha ellam I love sonna naan yaen vettiya blog pannitu irukka poraen :)

visithra said...

Prav : adada idhuthan kadhaiya - pathupa pinnaleh 24s suthuna bfnu sohlamatangeh stalkernu than sohluvangeh :p

"aprohm ehnnaku oruh mental hosp vendhumada"nu than padhanum :pppppp