Thursday, March 17, 2005

Men and women

...............can they really be friends? Yes but only if you follow strict guidelines.

Men, gay, heterosexual or metrosexual, make great friends.

Gay men are wonderful to have as friends for gossip, fashion tips and just to talk. A very comfortable feeling and you don’t have to worry about anything here. One rule though, make sure you look your best around them, otherwise you’re in for a long lecture on looking good.

It’s friendships with the hetero’s and metro’s that need strict guidelines. Oh but he/she knows that I’m treating them as a friend. Agreed but are you giving out the wrong signals? Our actions might contradict our feelings and cause grievous problems when one party misunderstands.

When I first started chatting, I made the mistake of using my dears not even darling just dears. See face to face people understand it’s just another endearment but not everyone has the maturity to take it as that, just a name and over the net it can come out sounding otherwise.

So for the first time I was confronted with - but you called me dear (and I was thinking I call everyone that!), I freaked out and felt so horribly guilty. So before you go around giving endearments, think if the person can take it.

Then there’s the hands. Those 2 harmless things you type with. Harmless my foot it has cost more harm then good in the history of man. We’ll leave Clinton out of this.

While touching the shoulder of a friend or the elbow may be acceptable, the palm is a no no. I’ve heard one too many friends of mine complain that a gal took them for a ride.

"But she used to hold my hand and walk. She touched my palm."

So stay away from that innocent looking sensitive part, if friendship is all you want to maintain.

Flirting. Now flirting is something everyone does but where when and how is important things to take into account. You do not flirt with a friend when you are alone. In a group you either flirt with everyone or you don’t.

Never flirt with the guy/gal who your friend or their friends always tease you with if you’re not interested. Most probably that person has feelings for you which the friends know of and are trying to create a connection by throwing you guys together.

So unless you want to hurt someone don’t flirt with them.

So are you saying the friendship is always platonic?

Well not necessarily. There’s always a chance for one party to fall for the other. But it takes 2 to tango, so if you don’t give out the signals, the friend will realise there’s no hope. But mostly, you come to a point and decide which is more important pursuing the relationship or maintaining the friendship.

Is it really worth risking a friendship, for a relationship you’re not sure will last yet might spoil that connection you have with your friend?

Those are for your single friends but what about the married or attached ones.

Though how much you like talking and hanging out with your bestfriend from the opposite side, when they’re attached it is best to keep your distance.

No calling or smsing your friend after 11 pm (10 pm would be more ideal). Why? Who fancies seeing their husband read n sms in bed? Nor would the girlfriend on the other line laugh hearing her bf laugh or react to an sms he got during their conversation at 12am.

"Oh wait darling, Jenna’s on the other line. Hi Jenna dear I’ve missed you so too."

This is not a conversation any women/ guy would want to hear. Relationships are about being possessive and jealousy. Also remember do not hang on the phone for hours while your friend is out with their partner or on the other line. That’s just asking for too much. Meeting them together and only talking to your friend is another no no.

Sounds trivial but your simple gesture might create a disparity between the couple. So unless you’re trying to emulate Julia Roberts in My Best Friends Wedding. Stay of that phone.

Do not flirt with him in front of his friends, your friends, alone or his girlfriend. You’re just asking for a cat fight. And women are catty, watch the above movie. The scene in the train station ladies and you’ll get the idea.

Once your friend is attached you must understand his priority would be his partner and it should be that way. If it isn’t, there’s something wrong with his/her relationship. So accept that you no longer can call your friend out as often as you want to. You can’t just spring down to their office for lunch and expect them to be there they might have other plans and no movies together is the thing from the past.

And no endearments, even in emails. Its best to maintain a distance. What if the other is reading the partners emails? You don’t want to be the cause of the breakup of your friends relationship right? Right?

Anyway the point is friendship between the genders can only be maintained if both parties understand the unwritten rules. Sure you can go on and on but I knew him first, she just came in into his life. I should be holding the moves not her, but then the question arises. You rather have a friend or nothing at all? Don’t you want your friend happy?

So be wise in your friendship with the other gender. Everything is about give and take and understanding the unwritten rules.

Humm actually wanted to write this from a different angle but it has come out this way. Oh well. :))


Sudhir Parasuram (Lakkaraju) said...

Beautifully written. So very true.

But then, the heart rules over the brain a few times and causes ppl to do things they'd normally not :)


visithra said...

Thanks - making friends is easy maintaining a friendship is the hard part.

The heart is something that needs to be tamed and kept in check. :)

Freeyavedu said...

Feeling the same way. PLanning to write a blog abt this soon.

Kay said...

u did quite a research on this....
But every point u said is absolutely true.....

visithra said...

Hi Free

Welcome in. Friendships are tricky but worth the trouble. :))

Hi Kay

Welcome :). Research?? Lol nope not really more like from having more guy friends then gals.

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